I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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