Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
