I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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