i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
