You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this boner is exhausting
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
