You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
