She said her name was "party"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
