I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
