Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
