I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
