the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
