I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
