hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
