You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cops high fived after they tackled you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
