Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
