We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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