my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
