So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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