Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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