I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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