The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
