At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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