He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
