Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
