did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
