Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
