I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
