so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
