Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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