It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
