first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
