One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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