I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
