Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize