I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
