Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
