Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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