Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
