They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
