Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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