pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize