It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
