I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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