i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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