i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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