ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
