i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
