feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize