It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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