i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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