I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
