so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
