I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
