I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
