Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
