Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you have to choose: penises or morals?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
