So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
