You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
