I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
