Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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