Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
