I want to stick my p in your. b.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
