I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Can Purell be used as lube?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
