I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
