You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
