New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
