I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
