No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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