Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
