i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
