Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
